Hailee Steinfeld' song 'Love myself' caused quite a stir in 2015 amongst fans as to the true meaning of the lyrics. Some believed it was a pro-masterbation song with lyrics like "pictures in my mind on replay/Im going to touch the pain away" and "Gonna love myself/No I don't need anyone else". Others found it was about self-confidence and feeling empowered but Hailee in an interview said it didn't really matter how people interpreted the meaning, as what was important was the power behind being able to love yourself. She continued "We can all get behind that!".
Well here lies my question.... Is she right? Can we really all get behind the message of self love?
If a message is empowering, liberating and alluring does that make the message correct? I believe that everything must be weighed against the word of God to discern what is truth and what is not. If the bible is the standard then how can this message hold up against passages like 2 Timothy 3:2 where it describes end time Godlessness "For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy." The list continues and then it says in verse 5 "they have the appearance of godliness but deny its power". It starts with a warning of becoming people who are self loving!!
For the past one or two years, I like many other Christians have been sucked in by the lure of this loving yourself philosophy and have even passed it on to others as truth. Christians who have fully embraced this message do so based on the words of the Old Testament which are repeated by Jesus in the new and found in Matthew 22 where Jesus is responding to a question about the law. We know that the first commandment is to love the Lord. He describes this as the great and first commandment. He then goes on to describe the second commandment which is to love your neighbour as yourself. Some will try emphasise this third bit 'as yourself' by using the argument of 'how can I love my neighbour if I don't love myself?'. The logic being that if my love for myself is so great, then I will have loads of love to give away to my neighbour. The opposite they would argue is that if I hate myself, then wont I in turn hate my neighbour? The alternative to loving yourself is not hating yourself. It is fully embracing and enjoying Gods love for you. If we say it is first about learning to love ourselves before loving others, then we are putting a condition on loving others and the commandment of Jesus and in fact making loving ourselves the second commandment. Notice that Jesus does not say he is giving three commandments!! The two commandments are to love God and love people. Jesus was not emphasising "as yourself" in this passage because it was assumed that throughout the bible there is in all human nature this leaning towards loving ourselves. Jesus is saying "the way that you do that, now do it for others".
Formerly I believed that self love is an answer to shame, low self esteem, a negative self image, feelings of inadequacy or a sense of failure but self love is not the answer to these feelings. The only answer can be found in embracing fully Gods love and grace. When I understand the depths of Gods love I don't need to focus on loving myself. I actually think less about myself and more about His love and thats what leads me into freedom and makes me an effective lover of God and lover of other people.
As alluring and enticing as it is to become introspective, self compassionate and self loving what I really need is the love of God which transforms lives and brings freedom and so my answer to Hailees statement is No!! I can't get behind and embrace the message of self love because I believe it to be a fake love and one that will leave me self absorbed and ultimately, unfulfilled.
